


Cody Stop Punching Droids Challenge

by Insert_Creative_Name_Here



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Cody Keeps Punching Droids, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, i think, no beta we die like that one clone who punched a droid in the clone wars movie, the timeline of this doesn't make sense, this is MY crack fic and I get to choose the timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28823733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insert_Creative_Name_Here/pseuds/Insert_Creative_Name_Here
Summary: Local man won't stop punching droids. More at 11.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CC-6454 | Ponds, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & CT-7567 | Rex
Comments: 30
Kudos: 326
Collections: Captain Rex Stuff, Randomness





	Cody Stop Punching Droids Challenge

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this post: https://elipson.tumblr.com/post/640397105239900160
> 
> I was planning to write this in like two weeks, and then last night some higher power beamed every word of this directly into my brain. I had no control over how this turned out.
> 
> Mando'a translations in the end notes.

Cody won't stop punching droids, and it's a karking problem.

Ponds can't believe that Cody got into the Marshal Commander program. Sure, he's a brilliant strategist and an amazing fighter, and Ponds has no doubts that he'll be a great leader once the war starts.

But he also breaks multiple bones during every single one of their training exercises. Cody _really_ needs to learn to take care of himself, or he's going to die on his first mission.

Jango has them running through another simulation, one that focuses on their individual specialties. Fox and his blades, Bacara and his specialized guns, Ponds and his staff, and - unfortunately - Cody's hand-to-hand combat.

Ponds hears a _clank_ come from across the arena. "Stop punching the _karking_ droids, Cody!" he shouts.

"I didn't punch it!" Cody shouts back.

"Stop kicking the droids, then!" Bacara retorts. It's not often that Bacara joins in on their banter. Cody must've hit a lot of droids that Ponds didn't hear, if Bacara is that fed up.

Fox slices a droid in half and makes his way over to Ponds. "I feel like the three of us are raising a child," he says.

"We should sue the long-necks for child support," Ponds says as he smacks two droids with his staff.

Another _clank_ rings out from the area. " _Cody!_ " he shouts. Cody cackles in response.

He's karking insane. They all are, really, but what the _hell._

"'Droids' is a boring name," Cody says later, when they're back in the barracks and he's covered in bandages. "It's too formal. They should be called something more fun."

"Like what?" Ponds asks.

Cody's silent for a minute."…clankers," he says.

"Why?"

"They make a clanking noise when you hit them."

Ponds is going to _strangle_ him.

* * *

Rex wasn't there when Cody coined the term 'clankers,' but he was there to see it catch on.

It's hilarious to see his troopers fawn over Cody's skills in one breath and turn around and talk about clankers in the next. They don't know who coined the term. No one does, besides the Marshal Commanders and the rest of Cody's squad, plus Rex.

Cody's droid-punching habits have spread to the rest of the 212th, although they're significantly more careful about avoiding broken bones than Cody is. It's sort of their thing now, like Torrent and their explosions, although Rex doubts even they know the true extent of Cody's apparent feud with having functioning bones.

The Second Battle of Geonosis is a mess, and the bugs, lack of cover, and residual trauma from the _first_ battle is only a part of it.

Cody's fighting next to him. The battle's winding down, so there's not a lot of droids nearby - Rex won't call them clankers. He _won't -_ and the lack of nearby brothers to see Cody so unprofessional means that he's absolutely _tearing_ through the droids.

At this rate, Rex suspects, the lack of nearby brothers won't stay that way for long. Rex knows that he looks impressive when he's fighting - Ahsoka had told him so - and Cody's using his rifle as a karking _bat_. That's bound to get some attention, especially since most of the 501st and 212th are still somehow under the impression that Cody's responsible.

Rex has shot all of the droids in his range, and he watches in utter defeat as Cody throws his rifle at one of the two remaining droids with enough force to knock its head clean off. He turns to the last one.

"Cody, if you punch that droid, I swear to the Force I'm going to _kill you-_ "

Cody looks him dead in the eyes and punches the droid so hard that Rex swears that he dents it.

" _Why?_ " Rex says.

Cody's helmet is on, but Rex just _knows_ he's grinning. "Because kark you, that's why."

Rex hears a pained noise from behind him, and turns to see Kix standing there, helmet off and mouth hanging open. Behind him is what must be half of Torrent and Ghost companies, staring in confusion at Commander Cody _fist fighting battle droids._

"Commander. Is your hand broken?" Kix says, like he's losing brain cells with every word.

"Oh, undoubtedly," Cody says.

Kix throws his hands in the air in obvious defeat, and stalks over to Cody, pulling out his medkit.

"I thought you were supposed to be the responsible one out of the two of us," Rex says.

"Responsibility gets boring after a while. And besides, why would Jango spend so much time training me in hand to hand combat if I wasn't supposed to use it?"

_What._

* * *

Anakin has plenty of respect for Commander Cody. He seems like a good man, he's a competent fighter and strategist, and he can wrangle Obi-Wan to go to the medbay after a battle.

But he also seems… boring. Rex has a lot of respect for Cody, so Anakin knows that there has to be something else to him, but he just seems like the perfect Commander, and Anakin can't help but find that boring.

He's found hints before, that Cody might just be putting on a front of calmness. Whenever their legions are fighting together, he always ends up with broken bones. Odd, for someone who fights with a rifle.

Force, he's treating Cody like he's some mystery to be solved. He doesn't deserve that.

Anyway. There's a point to all of this thinking. For some reason, the tactical droid in charge of their latest string of enemies decided that it would be a good idea to take Cody hostage to try and open negotiations.

Anakin knows that he should probably be listening to Obi-Wan and the droid's political talk, but he keeps getting distracted by Cody, who he could swear looks almost _bored_.

The tactical droid says something about "making sure that there is no retaliation from his side," as if the Separatists understand the concept of honor, and Cody rolls his eyes so hard that Anakin has a split-second jolt of fear that he's going to slit his own throat on the clanker's knife.

He doesn't. Instead, Cody keeps his eyes locked on the top of a building just outside of Anakin's field of vision. He can't see what's there, and turning his head would only bring whatever it is to the clanker's attention.

A single shot rings out from that direction, and it slams into the clanker's neck, almost severing its head. Its knife falls away from Cody's neck, and he spins around, punching the clanker's half-severed head clean off with a _crack_ that Anakin realizes, with a mounting sense of horror, is the sound of Cody's hand breaking.

"I hope those negotiations weren't real," Cody says as he walks back over to Obi-Wan, Anakin, and their men. He says it so casually, like he didn't just completely unnecessarily break his hand punching a tactical droid's head off.

"They were not," Obi-Wan responds. Anakin knows him well enough to catch the lingering traces of shock in his voice.

"Good. No one does good hostage situations anymore," Cody says, which just, _what?_

"Oh, I'm sorry, _vod._ Next time, I'll let you get your throat slit," Rex says, jumping down from the building where the shot had come from and it hits Anakin that this is the most emotion he's seen Rex have at any one time.

"I would've been fine," Cody says.

Anakin is… going to have to rethink some things.

* * *

Rex doesn't drink with his men often - something about plausible deniability and professionalism - so Fives considers it a victory when he manages to drag Rex to 79's the next time they're on Coruscant.

There aren't a lot of _vod'e_ at their table, just him and Rex, Echo, Kix, Jesse, and Hardcase, but it's a hell of a combination when the alcohol starts flowing. So far, they've managed to cover the stupidest injuries that the 501st has received on their way to Coruscant, Hardcase's latest explosion incident (those topics do not intersect, according to Hardcase. According to Kix, they definitely do), and Commander Fox's pure hatred for Chancellor Palpatine.

How Rex knows about Commander Fox's rants about the leader of the entire Republic, Fives has no idea, but it's so entertaining that he finds he doesn't care.

"Why do we call battle droids 'clankers?'" Echo asks during a lull in the conversation.

Rex snorts into his drink. Even drunk, he's still relatively stoic, and the whole table turns to look at him.

"Got something to share?" Jesse teases.

"I _hate_ that I actually know the answer to that question," Rex says.

"Spill," Fives says.

Rex raises an eyebrow at him, then sighs and takes another sip of his drink. "You can blame Cody. It's his fault."

Fives' mouth falls open. "Cody? Marshal Commander Cody?"

"Yep."

"Oh, you've got to tell us the story behind _that,_ " Echo says, leaning across the table.

"Technically, I don't have to tell you anything," Rex says, but he's smiling a bit when he says it, so Fives knows he's joking.

"Do it for the morale," Hardcase says.

Rex nods. "Sure. Whatever. Cody punches battle droids. You all know that by now. I don't know _why_ he does it, but he refuses to stop."

"I noticed," Kix deadpans, with the voice of a broken man. "Every time our legions fight together, he comes out of it with broken bones."

"Yeah, I don't know where that came from. All I know is that by the time I met him, he'd already gained a reputation for winning fights at any cost. Including punching the simulation droids. It got him into the Marshal Commander program, but it caused us so much stress."

"Who's 'us?'" Jesse asks.

"His batchmates and I. Maybe Jango Fett, too. I never did learn his true feelings on any of us."

Fives… does not have the brain power to unpack that right now. He files it away for later in his _What The Hell Happened To Rex On Kamino_ folder.

"All I know is that one day, Ponds, Fox, and Cody came back from training, and Cody was all covered in bandages. He'd broken, like, both of his hands and one of his legs. He was probably high on painkillers, too, now that I think about it. He just, flops down in his pod - which was up a ladder, by the way, he didn't ask for _anyone's_ help in climbing it - and complained that the name 'droids' was _boring._ I remember all of us just looking at each other, because how are you supposed to respond to that? And Cody, high out of his mind, says that we should call them _clankers_ , because that's what it sounds like when you punch a droid."

This might actually be the greatest thing Fives has ever heard. The whole table is staring at Rex with various combinations of surprise, glee, awe, and in Kix's case, mild horror.

"The term just, spread, I guess," Rex continues. "Bacara probably spread it to his Novas, Bly and Wolffe brought it to the rest of the Command class and their legions, and I accidently brought it here."

"I have to completely reevaluate my opinion of Cody," Echo says. "I don't-I don't know _what_ I was expecting as an answer to that question, but it wasn't _this_."

"You can't tell anyone that you got this story from me, though," Rex says.

"Why?" Hardcase asks. "Are you gonna get in trouble or something?"

"No, Cody would make me all-out spar with him, and that's a death sentence for anyone who's not a Marshal Commander."

"So what you're saying is that one of the highest ranking _vod'e_ in the army is questionably insane." Kix says.

"Pretty much."

Fives and Echo are going to have a _field day_ with this the next time they get assigned to the 212th.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr as elipson. Come say hi!
> 
> Mando'a Translations  
> vod'e: brothers
> 
> I have no idea what happened here. I hope you enjoyed this clusterfuck!


End file.
